


is love completely off the table?

by kingnyoungie



Series: we'll be okay [1]
Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Crying, Emotional, Explicit Language, Kun Bestest of Boys, M/M, Mentioned Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Mentioned Lee Taeyong, Moving Out, Post-Break Up, Sad, Ten just needs a bit of help, Unhealthy Relationships, it was for the best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27575564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingnyoungie/pseuds/kingnyoungie
Summary: Kun lets out a wet chuckle, “I’m sorry if things got way too emotional.”Ten laughs softly, “don’t be silly, of course things would get emotional. I’m letting the love of my life walk out of our home in a few, don’t be fucking rude, of course I’m crying my eyes out.”
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun
Series: we'll be okay [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2015660
Comments: 23
Kudos: 66





	is love completely off the table?

Ten’s hands shake with nerves, his palms wet and clammy as he grows more and more anxious of what’s coming.

Ten looks around their— _his—_ apartment. He sees all the pictures they have together, framed and scattered all over their walls, their smiles wide and warm and _happy._ Ten scans his living room and sees the abundance of paintings and drawings he’s made for Kun and the paintings he made inspired by the pictures they have together. But Ten’s eyes focus on one painting smack-dab in the middle of their living room wall—it was a painting that Ten made for Kun for their fifth anniversary, depicting their first anniversary that was spent on a vacation in Thailand. The stars had been brightly shining for them that day, the sand cool under their feet, water freezing and wind blowing as they strolled along one of Thailand’s famed beaches. The painting captured those moments and how Ten had felt during those times—happy, content, and _loved._

He sinks back into the couch and pulls his knees up against his chest, trying to calm himself down. He rests his chin in between his knees and reminisces the memories attached to each painting Ten has made. 

This would be the first time he’ll see Kun after the break-up. It had been a total of two weeks since he last saw Kun—two weeks too long, if Ten was being honest. Kun would be picking up some clothes and packing some of his stuff, solidifying their decision to break up. When Ten had asked him where he’d be staying, Kun had told him both Doyoung and Taeyong had offered their spare bedroom to him for the time being.

Ten is glad Kun has friends like Doyoung and Taeyong who would do everything for him—Kun deserves it, he really does.

Kun had to put up with Ten for seven years—Ten’s indecisiveness, compulsiveness, recklessness, among other things—and honestly, Ten thinks Kun deserves an award for it.

Three soft knocks were heard against his front door. Ten inhales and exhales deeply, wiping away his sweaty palms on his pants, and trying his best to stabilize his heartbeat. Ten walks to the door slowly before he halts to a stop as he comes face to face with the door. He holds onto the door knob but doesn’t twist it open just yet, taking in another deep breath and closing his eyes momentarily. 

Ten’s eyes shoot open as another set of three knocks interrupt his thoughts. 

He twists the door knob and is immediately met with Kun’s rugged form.

Kun’s blonde hair was unkempt and messy but he still looked angelic in the afternoon light. Kun’s soft features weren’t unkind nor harsh as he looked at Ten, but it no longer holds the same fondness that it once did. The warm brown doe eyes Ten loves looks tired but still harbours the tenderness and comfort Ten will always find in them. Kun smiles at him, small and tight—filled with sadness and hurt—his dimples nowhere to be found.

Ten returns the smile, but he can’t help the way his eyes droop in sadness, his eyes glazed with unshed tears.

Seeing Kun was a bit too much for Ten, but he could not put this off further, as it would be unfair for Kun. Ten wants to be less selfish and more selfless. Kun wants that for him.

The last time Ten had seen Kun, Kun was an angry, crying, emotional mess. The conversation and decision to break up had not been easy—it was hours long of conversation and screaming and emotional distress for the both of them. But Ten saw Kun truly break for the first time in the seven years of their relationship, that day. 

Kun had sobbed, screamed and broken down within the three hours they had been fighting. It was hard to see for Ten—to look at Kun and instead of seeing the grounded, calm and collected Kun he’s familiar with, he saw Kun in hysterics, eyes bloodshot, tears streaming down his face, body trembling in anger, voice raised in irritation or low with disgust, hair disheveled and shaking hands.

It’s not like Ten was any better, either—whereas Kun was hysterical, Ten was uncharacteristically silent. Ten was sobbing, but not as hard as Kun had been. Ten was shaking, but he wasn’t pacing around the apartment in anger. Ten was still, seated on the couch as he and Kun argued incessantly. 

Ten would usually be the more emotional of the pair, the first one to raise his voice, the first one to cry, the first one to succumb to guilt.

This should have been the first thing noticed that day, honestly. The fight was much different than their usual fights because Kun was _loud, brash, emotional and so not Kun_. Ten should have realized then that it was the fight that would have ended things between them.

“Come in,” Ten said, voice small and so unbelievably shaky, “I didn’t touch any of your stuff. I can help now, if you want, though.”

Kun chuckles softly, but the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes, “thank you, Ten. I’ll tell you if I do need the help, but I’m good right now.”

“Alright,” Ten almost lets his words fall into an awkward silence, but his curiosity got the best of him, “how are you going to get your stuff over to Doyoung and Taeyong’s house, by the way?”

“Oh, they’ll pick me up when I text them—they actually wanted to wait at the car but I didn’t want to have them wait,” Kun gently explained as he walked towards what used to be their shared bedroom, “originally, they even wanted to come up and help, but I asked them not to, I,” Kun pauses, taking a sharp breath, “I thought that maybe you’d want to talk now that we’re calmer.”

Ten blankly stares at him, eyes scanning Kun’s face for emotion, but Kun was quick to explain his words after he’s realized the other connotation for what he said, “I mean, talk about our feelings and stuff. I think—I know you know my decision to break up with you had been final but, I still love you Ten, you know that right? You’re still my bestest friend in the entire fucking world but we need this time away from each other, and I know you know this is for the best. Even if that shit’s final I just want to resolve everything and make sure we don’t leave any loose ends in this.”

Kun’s voice was barely a whisper after what he had said, his emotions softening his voice progressively. 

Ten nods, not trusting his voice quite yet, but he gulps down the lump in his throat and puts on his big boy pants anyways, “I—yeah, I feel the same way. I’m glad you didn’t let Doyoung and Taeyong come up.”

Kun opens the wardrobe they used to share and grabs his luggage and starts picking out his clothes.

“I’ll just be picking up clothes for a week, I’ll be returning for the rest of my stuff soon once I properly get my shit together,” Kun tells Ten, as Ten leans against the doorframe, watching Kun pack his clothes—the clothes that Ten has been able to memorize by every thread in the past years they’ve been dating, the soft textile and material that he runs his fingers through as they cuddled in bed.

Ten chokes back some tears, another lump forming in the back of his throat.

Ten finds his voice, albeit being shaky and raspy, thick with emotion, “I don’t know if it’s fair for you to hear this but I just—I really can’t even believe that this is happening.”

Kun remains silent, stopping himself from folding any more of his clothes. 

“I really—I really thought I’d get to spend my entire life with you, Kunnie, and I know this is unfair but I just couldn’t let you go without letting you know that I feel this way, Kun,” Ten manages to stutter out in between tearful sobs.

Kun stops packing and stands up, his own eyes hazy with sadness, and moves towards Ten’s sobbing frame, Ten’s forehead pressed against the doorframe.

Even when Kun’s heart is hurting, he still prioritizes Ten’s hurt—Ten knows this and hates this, he doesn’t want this for Kun, not when Ten knows there will be more occasions of this exact scenario.

Kun grabs Ten by the forearms and Ten’s arms naturally wrap around Kun’s waist, and Kun doesn’t make a move to stop him, letting Ten’s forehead press against his chest. Kun wraps his arms around Ten, trying to comfort the sobbing man as he tries his best to stop his own tears from falling, sitting their entangled form on their bed.

“Kun, what could I ever do—what would make you stay?” Ten asks and Kun visibly tenses but this only makes Ten hold him and squeeze him tighter, “I’m not above begging. Kun, I will beg for you to stay just say the _fucking_ word and I will—you may be the only chance I have at love and I’m not letting you get away that easily. God, I fear that you’re the only man who will ever be able to love me. I don’t think I’ll be able to love someone as much as I’ve loved you, Kun, you have to understand that—”

“Ten, I do, I understand that—do you think it’s easy to find someone who’ll even come close to you, Ten? It’s pretty _fucking_ hard because no one will ever be like you Tennie and I’m so fucking scared too but this is exactly the reason why I decided it was time for us to break it off—do you hear yourself, Tennie?” Kun gently asks, his own tears falling down his soft features, and somehow the tears make him look more rugged than soft, “you—you’re being selfish again. You’re begging me to stay because _you_ fear that _you_ won’t have a chance at love again. Ten, that’s unfair and _you know that._ ”

Ten sobs even harder, mumbling apologies into Kun’s chest and Kun’s chest shakes with a wet chuckle, “Ten, stop apologizing. We’re okay, _we’ll be okay_.”

“Ten, you know I’ve been telling you to get into therapy, remember? I don’t want that because I want you to change—g _od, I wouldn’t ever want to change a thing about you_ — but I hope you understand now why I want that for you. I admit I wasn’t perfect in this relationship—”

“You were though—if not for me—”

“Ten, don’t say that. There are so many things I could have done better and one of those was to let you see how lovable and amazing you are _entirely_ —how you don’t have to resort to self-sabotaging mechanisms to prove yourself to anyone. Don’t say that you were the only one to blame for the fall of _our_ relationship, Ten. It was ours for a reason,” Kun warns him, voice gentle yet firm and stern. 

Ten remains silent, sniffling against Kun’s chest. Kun has his arms tightly wrapped around Ten still, and Ten knows he’ll miss Kun’s strong hold around him, gripping him and grounding him in reality.

“As I was saying,” Kun continues, though his voice is much shakier than it had been before, “I think it would be unfair for you if you didn’t really know what made me realize that our relationship was beyond repair this time.”

Kun takes a deep breath, and Ten looks up at him, loosening his grip on Kun’s waist, preparing himself for the worst, “Ten, I don’t ever doubt the love you had for me, you have to know that—the way you took care of me, the way you welcome me home with open arms when work isn’t too forgiving, the way you’d try your best to cook dinner when you know I’m too tired, the way you do so much for me—but sometimes,” Kun lets a stray tear fall, and Ten quickly moves to wipe it away and Kun looks at him sadly, “sometimes I felt like you loved the art you were able to create because of me, more than you really loved _me._ ”

Kun continues, “sometimes, it felt as if you only loved me as your muse—and yeah, maybe that’s not how it actually is, but that was how _I felt_ , and I should’ve told you earlier, but we both know nothing would have changed. I’d still feel insecure and feel as if we were distanced and you were growing more aloof, and even your reassurances would have gone unheard.”

Ten can’t seem to find his voice, struggling to tell Kun what he really feels and what he really thinks.

 _‘I’ve only ever loved the art I made not because it was made from you, but because it was made for you,’_ Ten wants to say, but he couldn’t. 

What Ten doesn’t say is that the art he’s made for Kun, he only ever loved those pieces because it was how Ten would see Kun and how Ten depicts the things he absolutely loves and adores Kun.

Ten basks in the momentary silence, trying to comprehend and process what Kun said.

Kun lets go of Ten, and Ten, even if Ten does not want to let go, even when Ten wants to hold Kun tighter against him instead, Ten still lets go. Because Ten will no longer be _selfish_.

Kun wipes his own tears away and Ten does the same, but Kun finds one of his hands on top of one of Ten’s thighs, trying to comfort the Thai male in front of him.

Kun lets out a wet chuckle, “I’m sorry if things got way too emotional.”

Ten laughs softly, “don’t be silly, of course things would get emotional. I’m letting the love of my life walk out of our home in a few, don’t be fucking rude, of course I’m crying my eyes out.”

Kun laughs, stronger than the chuckle he’s let out, and Ten wants to pull out his phone and record the heavenly sound that is Kun’s laughter, because Ten isn’t quite sure when he’ll next be blessed by the opportunity to hear Kun’s laughter ever again, but he doesn’t. “If it’s any consolation, I’m walking out of the love of my life’s apartment, too,” Kun says in a teasing tone.

“I don’t know what your definition of consolation is, but that’s definitely not it, Kunnie,” Ten says with a snort, and Kun laughs again. “You’re right,” Kun replies.

“I should get packing,” Kun tells Ten, a small smile on his face as he looks at Ten.

“Yeah, uh—you probably should. Do you need help?”

“If it isn’t much of a bother—”

“Don’t be silly, Kun. It’s the least I can do, you’ll be moving out of this apartment and you’d have to go through the hassle of looking for a new one, the least I can do to help is help you pack your stuff.”

“Okay, thank you,” Kun gives him a warm smile, and Ten really doesn’t want to let go of Kun.

But Ten knows that he _really_ has to.

They work silently, and Ten indulges himself in rubbing his hands through the familiar material of Kun’s clothing for the last time.

Ten folds Kun’s clothing tenderly as Kun picks out the clothes he’ll be bringing, and Ten tasks himself into arranging Kun’s clothing in his luggage.

Kun hums, and Ten knows he’ll miss this, too—Kun unconsciously humming and singing around their home while doing menial chores. He’ll miss his and Kun’s tiny dance sessions in the middle of their living room as they clean their apartment thoroughly and their favorite songs play through their speakers.

He’ll miss Kun’s gentle hands—the hand that delicately works on their food, ensuring that each bite Ten would take is filled with love, the hand that holds Ten’s hands tightly, the hand that squeezes Ten’s thigh in comfort, the hand that reaches out to Ten the moment that he notices Ten slip from reality, the hand that runs itself through his hair when something stresses him way _too_ much—and the gentle guidance that it always brings to Ten.

He’ll miss _Kun,_ entirely.

It took them an hour and a half to finish packing, and once they’re done, Kun immediately stood up and extended his hand for Ten to take. Ten grabs his hand and Kun helps him stand. Ten brushes off his pants and breathes deeply, “so you’ll be going?”

Kun smiles, though it was one of those smiles that don’t reach his eyes again, “yeah, I’ll just text Doyoung and Taeyong.”

Kun whips out his phone and texts the couple, and Ten waits for him.

Once Kun was done, Kun grabs his luggage and moves it to their living room, Ten following him behind closely.

Kun drops his luggage and turns back to Ten, engulfing Ten in a hug.

Ten quickly easing himself into Kun’s hold, the familiar warmth Kun emits and the subtle scent that Ten finds unique to Kun enveloping him.

“Tennie,” Kun mumbles softly, “I need you to know something, okay? Please remember that I love you and I always will, and I promise that after this, you will still be the bestest friend I have in the world, and we may need some time but we’ll be okay—I’ll make sure that _we’ll be okay_.”

“I’ll do everything to make sure we’ll be okay, too,” Ten honestly says, and Kun smiles, his dimples showing itself for the first time in a while, and Ten wants to cherish this moment forever. Kun pulls away from the hug, but moves to put his hands on either side of Ten’s waist.

“But,” Kun proceeds before pausing, “for the past few months of our relationship, you’ve become selfish and inconsiderate—I’m saying this not to tell you that you’re the reason _our_ relationship failed, because we’re both to blame for that, but because I love you and I want you to work on this not for me, but for yourself.”

Kun exhales deeply, “The decision to break up with you was _not easy_ and it _isn’t easy_ , but know that I’m doing this for you as much as I’m doing it for myself—the selfishness you’d been exhibiting, I know that’s not you Ten, it was a call for help; it was you expressing your need to be more independent, to be alone but not lonely, and the need to work on yourself. So, I’m giving you an opportunity to be absolutely selfish and to work on your issues and to sort your own things out, get a therapist and all that jazz, because I know that’s what I’ll be doing. The ball’s in your court, Tennie—it’s up to you to change, however you see fit.”

Ten smiles, genuine and beautiful, the smile that Kun had fallen in love with, but his eyes brim with tears once more.

“God, even when you’re breaking up with me you’re thinking of me more than you were thinking of yourself,” Ten laughs even as the tears keep falling down his face, “I love you so much, Kun. Thank you for being a part of my life and keeping up with the mess that is Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul.”

Kun’s eyes are teary, too, but he keeps his composure and smiles brightly and laughs with Ten, “be thankful that you’re a lovable mess that I’d love in every lifetime, if I could.”

“I love you, Tennie, and thank you so much, too— _we’ll be okay.”_

“We’ll be okay.” Ten declares, as he hugs Kun once more.

“This might be too much to ask,” Ten says, pausing as he thinks of whether to ask Kun or not, “but can I—can we kiss for the last time?”

Kun moves away from his hug and looks at him intently, before pressing his soft, plush lips against Ten’s _for the last time_. 

Ten closes his eyes and savors the way Kun’s lips feel against his, Ten tries to record the gentle feeling of love and solace that trickles from Kun’s kisses, he tries to remember every inch of Kun that he’d have to let go of in a few minutes. Ten makes sure to imprint the feeling of Kun’s forehead against his after every sweet, chaste and passionate kiss Kun presses on his lips on his brain—he makes sure he’ll remember Kun’s warm breath tickling his face as they recover from the kisses. 

What Ten doesn’t expect is for Kun to pull away and shower Ten’s face in small kisses, until he moves down Ten’s neck and presses loving kisses there, as well.

Kun puts his hands on either side of Ten’s face and Ten’s eyes flutter open, “we’ll be okay.”

“We’ll be okay.”

And then, Kun’s phone rings and Kun bids Ten farewell for the last time.

Ten watches the love of his life walk away from him, but somehow, he feels like he hasn’t been robbed of a chance at love. Ten doesn’t think he can ever feel that way when he knows he can love Kun even after their relationship. He doesn’t think he can ever feel that way when he knows that he and Kun will always gravitate towards each other, again; hopefully next time, they’d meet under better circumstances.

Under circumstances where they’d actually have the lifetime together—something they know they’d always sought—holding hands tightly, side by side as they happily maneuver through life in the ways they’d want to live it.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by Ariana Grande’s off the table. was listening to it the entire time i was writing this fic, honestly. the first time i heard it, i was like “oh shit, kunten.” and now we’re here. also i cried when i wrote this bc im a lil bitch
> 
> tell me what y'all think of this, honestly. i got really carried away with writing this it was supposed to be 1k words and just a drabble but here we are, at 3.6k, oops. like comment what u felt and stuff cause i cant be the only one who cried?? surely???
> 
> also idk maybe planning a second part to this or maybe making this a break up series LOL idk which of the two i'm going for yet so tell me what y'all think ab that too
> 
> also feedback on my angst writing is greatly appreciated bc i love writing angst but idk if im improving or getting better at writing angst honestly


End file.
